YOUR BODY IS A GARDEN, AND YOU ARE THE GARDNER

JOURDAN CHRISTOPHER PHOTOGRAPHY

Buzz words such as self-love, self-preservation and self-care float around the internet. Our timelines are flooded with pictures of women with their girlfriends at the day spa. Some of us, including me, are guilty of a homemade turmeric and honey mask paired, with a good cup of warm, spiced, chai tea. While any method to promote self-care consciousness is important, the true definition often gets lost in translation.

Self-preservation for the African-American woman is a means of survival. A black woman’s strength is resilient, yet continuously tested. Our strength blinds the need for support from the people closest to us. Black women are marginalized to the point where we have to dig deep inside of ourselves and start from scratch over and over again.

We work twice as hard to get half of what we deserve and we carry our families on our backs through the hardest of times. However difficult our lives may be, we are often overworked and completely invisible. Generations of pain from the traumatic years of slavery, through the height of police brutality, mass incarceration and the unjustified killings of black men and women. The many years of anguish, mourning, and disappointment wear on us both mentally and physically.

Society instills this constant pressure to be on, at all times. There is not enough of discourse surrounding rest and rejuvenation. Why should a black woman run herself down to the ground before anyone notices that she is in need of support? Why do we love on our sons and we raise our daughters to be strong? From the words of our former FLOTUS, Michelle Obama:

“It’s powerful to have strong men but what does that strength mean? Does it mean respect? Does it mean responsibility? Does it mean compassion? Or are we protecting our men too much so that they feel a little entitled and a little, you know, self-righteous sometimes?”

The numbers of those of us affected by stress due to toxic, unhealthy relationships are on the rise. Our homes should be our safe-haven from rest of the world. Our bodies should be treated as the temple that we live in, as we move through this earth.

The world can be so cruel and our vulnerability is often taken for granted. Last week, the city of Boston was rattled by the kidnapping of a young woman, which lead to her tragic death. I think about the victim, Jassy Correia. I think of her and I ask myself, what could we have done better? How could we have protected her from this dishonorable act? What were her last words? Was there anyone around, when she cried out for help, or did she suffer in silence? When will it be okay for us to speak up about our pain without everything coming to a halt? When will we learn that suffering in silence, kills us?

I’ve learned to treat my body and spirit as a garden, and I am the gardener. My body is a vessel that carries my soul. It is important to take good care of myself through exercise, nutrition, therapy and just supporting those around me. We as a community need to be more comfortable with sharing our truths. Maintenance of the mind is just as important as the body. Psychological wounds do not show up the way physical scars do. The wave of emotions that range from low self-esteem, and self-sabotage, can lead to a very unhappy and lonely life. It is not the job of our partners to carry the weight of our demons on their back. Especially, if we are unwilling to resolve and heal the unsettled traumas of our past.

Our mind and our bodies speak to us both emotionally and physically.  The signals tell us when it is time to water it and tend to it with the love and nourishment that it deserves. In Haiti, women stay home for 40 days after childbirth. It’s a tradition for new mothers to take a steam bath, filled with natural herbs prepared by their mothers, aunties or grandmothers. The special herbs help heal the pelvic floor and soften the scars associated with childbirth. Why not incorporate this practice into our monthly regime?

There is a Haitian proverb that says “Se met ko kiveye ko,” it is the owner of the body who looks out for the body. When we are overwhelmed and our hearts are heavy, it is a clear indication that we are running on empty. It is more important to nourish yourself over capacity, in order to provide for others in the overflow. How can we be an asset to others if we continuously neglect ourselves? Just as a garden grows with time, work and patience, we must commit to the relationship we have with ourselves. This includes maintenance, personal healing, bending, and keeping flexible plans. The way we choose to show up for ourselves will teach others how to treat us.

In order to keep your garden green, and growing to its fullest potential you must:

1. PLANT THE RIGHT SEEDS

It is so important to do you research whenever you encounter something new. If it is a new relationship take your time, be friends and do not rush. You want the foundation of your relationship to be strong. If it is a new food or beauty product, read the ingredients, research it. It is important to be mindful of everything and anything that we expose our body to. There are harmful chemicals out there disguised as “healthy” and we must seek truth.

2. GET RID OF THE WEEDS

If you need to start from scratch. Start from scratch. You have the power to create your own destiny. I believe that when we align ourselves with those who are where we want to be, it allows a space for renewal. Stand up for yourself to nurture better habits and get rid of what no longer serves you.

3. WATER YOURSELF

Healing takes time, do not be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for the time invested and pour into yourself anything that will tend to your wounds. Practice yoga, go to the sauna or steam room. Sip tea, read, meditate, pray, go to church. Renew your spirit and protect your heart at all costs.

4. EXPECT RAIN

When it rains, we must not let it rattle us off course, we should expect it. The key word is preparation. There will be times when we are just exhausted beyond measure. Rest. Let the rain fall in order to cleanse you. Allow it to force you to slow down, and get organized.

5. WELCOME GROWTH

It hurts. Growth truly hurts at times. Trust the process. In time you will see all of the pain, and sacrifice was worth it. Welcome the pain, cherish it and receive the warmth and guidance that comes from it. You are a testament to your struggle, and in the end your garden will be your biggest and most beautiful accomplishment